Dear Readers. I'm glad to see that there are more of you who are discovering the Robot Shlomo Experience. I'm seeing viewers from India (Namaste), Finland, Turkey, and even Germany and the UK. To all of you, I know you have a lot of things on the internet to invest your time into, so I say thank you for your viewing. Also, it's race day weekend in Monaco. So to the F1 fans around the world, enjoy the race and I hope your team takes the podium! And to all the veterans this Memorial Day weekend, thank you for your service.
Well, there's been a few things happening in the world of Robot Shlomo. Before I move on to entries about student debt in the United States (I have very strong feelings about this subject) and corporate greed (a topic that I'm having some first hand experience with recently), but today I want to talk to you about something I came across on the net.
As some of you may know, and as most of you don't know, I am a single gentleman. Nothing that unusual. Well, I was having a good day, and then I saw this;
Kiplinger's: New Haven, CT Fourth Best City to be Single
Naturally, my reaction wasn't shall we say... ahem, "restrained". For you see, I've always said that dating in my little slice of Mordor was akin to having a root canal, performed with no anesthesia, by a blind dentist... with Parkinson's. I've always thought it was bizarre that whenever I travel I was always very much the "cool guy", and then when I came home, I returned to being a nobody. I eventually had to face a stark reality; I couldn't permanently stay on vacation, and there was no way to import 50,000 "cool to awesome" people into Buttcrack, Connecticut.
In a town this small, you have a lot of I call "in-dating". Now before you think that's something blasphemous and potentially illeagal, let me explain further;
Let's say you have a peer group of about six people. Three male, and three female. There's nothing unusual about that, and ordinarily it wouldn't be a problem, unless you're deciding to start in a reboot of the sitcom Friends. If you were, then we need to have a little chat about that. Anyway, normally these men and women find others from outside the group to pair bond with. It seem however, what's been happening of late is that you have some who are forming relationships exclusively within the peer group. As if it were a pick up game of basketball, and they were playing man-to-man on defense, occasionally making a rotation to different "defenders".
Now you may be saying "well so what?" It's their business". Well here's the inherent problem, often times it becomes other people's business as well. Let me expound upon this. I understand why this happens. You already know someone, so there's no chance of being rejected. You know their likes and dislikes. You don't have to search for someone outside the group, and there's no fear of the group rejecting them as well. Those may seem like positives, but the negatives are lurking just below the creamy center. Within social peer groups there are members who I've always thought have roles. The comedy relief. The responsible one. Etc. If two members of the peer group get together that the rest don't approve of, it can create tension.
"Her and him? That's not supposed to happen", and it also can create jealously. And when you break up, often times there awkwardness, and a rift will form from having to choose sides.
So once again, you may be thinking "so what?". Well I'll tell you "so this". What this does is it limits you, and keeps you in your safe little bubble. When you make excuses about someone being too this, or too that (I have another blog I'll post about the worst excuses I've ever hear in the near future), you're essentially sabotaging yourself. Now that's not to say that a relationship with someone you already know can't work. There are people I know who have done just that, and they are happy. However, if you're deliberately engaging in dating within your peer group, it becomes counter productive.
I imagine what is at the root of this is fear. Fear of being alone. Fear of rejection. Yes, it is a scary thing to go out and meet people. It is far more rewarding when you do. Everyone brings something new to the table. Different food. Music. Film. Art. Travel. Even language and personality. If we confine ourselves to the familiar, we repeat the same mistakes, and our lives really do become one dimensional. So what do we do? I challenge you Fart Town! Get out and meet some people. Trivia nights. Bookstores. Hockey games. Strike up a conversation. But for god's sake don't do anything dangerous. Yes, you might not hit it off with someone, but it's all about the effort.
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