I know, it's only rock n' roll...

This will be the first of my music related posts. Hopefully I can make the subject matter interesting, as well as informative. 

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I LOOOOOOOOOOVE music. I swear, if I got a cut you'd see me bleed eighth notes. It seems though that the love of my life, rock n' roll, is a fickle mistress. As much as I love rock n' roll, and as much as I'd love to keep buying music, I simply can not find the justification to do so lately. That made me start to wonder why exactly.

Back in the 80's and 90's I couldn't stop buying CD's. The compact disc was a great invention. It brought crystal clear sound reproduction to my home, and still gave me the collectability of vinyl. Then came a little something called Napster. Actually the personal computer came before, and naturally when people get bored with technology, they find other uses for it. Napster was born out of that boredom. It would be unfair to single out Napster as the harbinger of doom for the music industry and the RIAA, when actually those wounds would be self inflicted. It wasn't Napster that killed the music industry, and it wasn't video that killed the radio star (okay maybe it did, but work with me here). CRAP killed the industry. Downloading was only a symptom. But I'm getting ahead of myself here...

I was a child of the 70's. Growing up in the post Beatles era, I still had somewhat of an embarrassment of riches at my doorstep (thanks largely in part to three older brothers who exposed me to artists I would have never heard of otherwise). Paul McCartney was still cranking out hits, and newer artists such as Queen, David Bowie, and Cheap Trick that were blazing a musical trail for me to follow as I got older.

 I still have memories of my picking up a tennis racket, and turning a baseball hat skyward, jumping around like Rick Neilsen. I was never into disco, and I wasn't really angry enough to be a punk, and let's face it I would look HORRIBLE in spandex! Then came the 80's, and a little something called MTV, or Empty V which seems more appropriate. Now the visual became more important. It didn't matter what you sounded like, you just had to look good doing it!  There has always been those lesser talents that had ridden the coat tails of their more talented peers, but now "talent" was out of the equation. I knew that things were turning a corner when a little known band in the U.S. (little known is being generous, I STILL don't know who they are) called The Cutting Crew had a #1 Billboard hit with their song "(I Just) Died In Your Arms Tonight" without ever once setting foot on U.S. soil.

The Human League had a hit a few years earlier with "Don't You Want Me Baby", however the sudden appearance of The Cutting Crew threw me for an absolute loop. There have always been one hit wonders in the music industry, however now there was becoming an endless parade of them. Quick hits were the order of the day, and fans ate them up. Then came the 90's and "alternative music". The parade continued, and as fast as grunge rock came, it also went.

Then came rap. I don't want to even go into it right now. 

Later in the 90's, people were still buying CD's, and then came Napster. I was never a big fan of Napster, I thought of it more like radio. A good way to preview something before you actually bought it. CD's were still over priced, and in 2000 as a result of an anti-trust action, the big five music companies settled.

http://www.nytimes.com/2000/05/11/business/5-music-companies-settle-federal-case-on-cd-price-fixing.html

Did that bring prices down? Of course not. However this was not the watershed moment that brought the Silver Surfer to the R.I.A.A's doorstep (bit of a nerdy reference I know). The proliferation of the CD-R was. Scarcity was no longer on the record company's side, and we now knew about the rip off. Download, compile, burn. However this brings me back to my original point. It was the CD-R, downloading, or MTV that brought down the industry. It was the countless Cutting Crews, 4-Non Blondes, and Dexy's Midnight Runners of the world that did. CRAP killed the industry. Music became something that was devalued, because much of it was seen as "filler", and not worth paying for. Technology was just a tool, and unfortunately people like Lars Ulrich who had no idea how that technology worked, were at the forefront attempting to kill that technology with lawsuits, and expensive lawyers, instead of responding with quality products at a price people were willing to pay.

Preserving the status quo wasn't the answer. The genie is now out of the bottle. According to the Toronto Star has reported that the industry is "growing" again.

http://www.thestar.com/business/2013/02/26/makes_them_want_to_shout_music_industry_revenue_up_for_first_time_in_years.html

Yet am I the only one not dancing Gangam Style? If the industry ever wants to correct their grievous wrongs, they need to start running their companies like an actual BUSINESS. There are now more avenues for artists to get their music to the people. The major labels are becoming less important, yet they didn't have to be. As for me, I keep saying give me something at a decent price, that sounds melodious to my ears, and I will buy it. I'm willing, just make me ABLE.

Well, that was part one. Check back for more music related ramblings very soon.

The World, get out and see it!

So as I sit here dear reader, recovering from a fierce drilling administered by my friendly neighborhood dentist, I think about the travels I've undertaken in recent years. What amazes me at times is the reaction from my fellow countrymen and women upon learning of my voyages. Curiosity and surprise seem to be the most common, however occasionally I've encountered disinterest, and on one occasion, even anger that I would dare leave my country and venture off to foreign shores.

Take one such incident; a customer who frequently came into where I work had asked me where I had been the previous week. I said that I had vacation time, and I had gone away for a week. He asked where, and I told him that I had ventured to Stockholm, Sweden. This gentlemen actually became angry and said "how could you see another country before you see your own?". Actually the decision was relatively easy, I had seen quite a bit of this country on long drives to Canada in my youth, so it was time to head overseas and see what it was like on distant shores.

It never ceases to amaze me how some people say not only that they've never traveled, but have no interest in traveling outside the United States. As if somehow that once you board a plane, your patriotism becomes questionable. It's an idea that is absolutely ludicrous, and downright laughable. A recent statistic even said that only 20% of Americans have a passport. For quite some time, I've heard some in certain corners of the media portray a country like Sweden as some sort of backwards nether world, where citizens are forced to stand in line for goods, and life is a dreary march under the boot of a dictator. Nothing could be further from the truth. It's this view, however, that many cling to as justification for themselves not daring to travel out of their home and their comfort zone. And when some do, it's always to a tropical destination, which is in and of itself rather generic. Palm trees, sand, and water. Yeah, like I haven't seen that before.

Granted it is expensive to travel, however now with a little something called the internet, you can pretty much name your own price. Competition is fierce for your dollars, and all you have to decide is where, and how good accommodations you're willing to shell out for. No matter where you're going, it's good for you. You see something different, and you see it for the first time. It's a learning experience, and when you come back, you see the world with different eyes. Language barriers have now fallen, and much of the world speaks English. Granted it's always good to have a few choice phrases on hand, and technology helps.

Or you can be like one of my other customers, who thought Stockholm was a motorcycle event.

Size? Does it matter?

Okay, get your mind out of the gutter. This isn't what you think it's about. Recently I was sitting at a red light, and waiting for it to change around the corner came a Chevrolet Silverado. This thing was decked out in fake plastic chrome, chrome wheels, and it was elevated about a foot above it's natural ride height. I gave the truck a glance, and the mustachioed driver looked down at me in from his seat, and gave me a "disapproving" glace. Really? I get a dirty look for driving my 1998 Volvo S70 GLT?

I ask you: Is this a car that would inspire dirty looks?

Now, anyone who knows me will tell you that I'm not a fan of trucks or SUV's. Why? They're big, obtrusive, suck down an inordinate amount of gas, and they are rarely used in this country for what they were designed for; Work. However we Americans do love size, and it seems fitting that just as their size killed the dinosaurs, size will also kill the the SUV. Let's take a look at some of the popular truck/SUV myths that many American car buyers will

SUV's are safe!

Statistically speaking, you are no safer in an SUV than you are in a normal car. Why? Because primarily the higher center of gravity tends to make the vehicle LESS stable. Studies also by the National Highway Transportation and Safety Administration says that you are actually MORE likely to be injured in an SUV than you are in a normal passenger car. In 2004 the New York Times reported that the safety gap between cars and SUV's was indeed widening.

http://www.nytimes.com/2004/08/17/business/safety-gap-grows-wider-between-suv-s-and-cars.html

But the size of the truck makes it safer? Well not necessarily. In the United States, if a vehicle weight in at a hefty 6,000lbs. or over, it falls into the classification of "light truck". Therefore it's exempt from having many safety features that passenger cars have, and it's also exempt from many emissions standards. Hopefully the new mileage standards passed by President Barack Obama will help these leviathans reach their timely end sooner, than later.

Fortunately the government has mandated that SUV become safer, however the old myth of "I'll survive being hit by a tractor trailer" still doesn't hold any water. The only thing you can hope for in that matter, is that your dental records are up to date. Vehicles are only as safe as the driver. Which is why you don't want to get behind this person on your morning commute.

Trucks and SUV's are manly vehicles!

Really? You're still clinging to that one? Take a good look at just WHO is driving those behemoths. Is it men? Nope, it's overwhelmingly WOMEN. At the risk of sounding sexist, how "manly" can a vehicle be if it's being driven to Wal Mart, and the roughest terrain it encounters is a speed bump? I've often said if you advertise how SUVs and trucks are really used, nobody would buy them. And many of the people driving them don't know HOW to drive them. You can't drive an 6,000lbs. vehicle the same way you drive a passenger car. I know this first hand when a woman backed into me about a year and a half ago, and claimed "You were in my blind spot!". You know where the blind spot is? Between her ears!!

SUV's are safer in the snow. I can go as fast as I want, I have four wheel drive!

Yeah, but try stopping! The first law of physics is that a body in motion tends to stay in motion. Four wheel drive will help you start, it won't help you stop.

Americans want trucks, not cars!

Americans want cars, but they want them made by VW, Nissan, Honda, Toyota, Subaru, Kia, Hyundai, BMW, and Mecedes. Take a look at all those Hondas on the road. Those could easily be Chevrolets. If anyone has ever been to Italy, you'd know that EVERYONE drives a Fiat, Lancia, or Alfa Romeo. The auto industry has given us inferior products for DECADES, and then they sat back and played dumb and said "I guess nobody wants cars". Now that gas is $4 per gallon, they are FORCED into making decent cars because they finally figured out that you can sell a VW Golf and Fiat 500 anywhere in the world, but you can't sell a Chevy Tahoe in a country where gas is $11 per gallon. Soon, you won't be able to sell them here either, but given the way we like to waste money in this country, it might take a while.

So why do we like SUV's as a country? In my opinion it comes down to one word; EGO. Many Americans won't let their ego allow them to drive something small. Granted, streets are smaller in Europe and you literally can't drive a large car down those streets. However, after years of being used to gas being cheap, many are reluctant to give it up. Now though, we have an entire generation that's growing up never knowing what cheap gas is, and to whom the words "Fix it again Tony" are meaningless. Smaller cars are indeed more fun to drive. They accelerate quicker, they handle better, and when you turn the wheel, the whole car moves. And quite frankly this...

is much cooler than this any day of the week.

 

 I always point out to the people who own these "I'm quite happy with the size of my manhood, thank you very much".

This is... The Robot Shlomo Experience!

Who am I? Are you sure you want to know? The story of my life is not for the faint of heart.

If you recognize those words congratulations, you probably saw the 2002 film Spider-Man, as directed by Sam Raimi. Which means you've landed in the right place. Well at least I think it's the right place. It could be the wrong place, we're not entirely sure yet...

Anyway, I welcome you dear reader to The Robot Shlomo Experience! Who am I exactly? Just a struggling comedian trying to make his way in the world. How did the blog come to be? Well I was looking for an outlet to let my comedic juices start flowing. Fortunately there was no need to wear an apron when those juices "flow", they're only figurative juice. So I mentioned this to a fellow comedian, and he thought it was a good idea. Or it might have been a bad idea and he was humoring me. People tend to do that. So having been what is seems to be the only person who's ever signed up for Google +, a nice side benefit of that was automatically having acess Blogger for free. Now I couldn't let all that bandwidth go to waste, could I? So I decided to fill it with assorted non-sense that makes up this muddle know as Robot Shlomo.

In the coming weeks and months, however long it takes, I'll be filling this little corner of the internet with my assorted ramblings. Pop culture. Comic books. Celebrities. Sports. Politics. Current events. Nothing is safe from my off center view of the world. With any luck I'll take some of you along for the ride, before of course you jump of the bus screaming, and demanding your money back. Hey, you're not paying for this so you really can't complain, can you?

The current blog you're reading serves as an introduction to get the ball rolling. Right now the Knicks are about to take the court. Hopefully the game won't put me to sleep, but the way they've been playing I'm not quite sure really. If anyone out there in the blogosphere (does anyone still use that term) has a topic they want me to cover, then feel free to suggest it.

So sit back, relax and enjoy the toboggan ride. A splendid time is guaranteed for all..